This is my Mom. Beautiful, inside and out. I spent a lifetime watching her as she worked hard, loved endlessly, and sacrificed daily. She taught me how to be a wife, a mother, a cook, a companion, a caretaker, a nurturer, a Proverbs 31 woman. From her I learned both how to be strong and how to submit. There is no one like her.
My mom, the strongest woman I've ever known, also the most fragile. Plagued with heartache and brokenness. A hopelessness pulled her into darkness so deep that she couldn’t see light.
Grief can do that. Disappointment can do that. Sadness, sorrow, and pain can do that. All of it working together to drown their victim in a sea of bitterness and darkness, blind to any light. Leaving you unable to breathe. Barely holding on, clinging to life by your fingertips. One sudden wave is all it will take, and it will all be over.
Then you think, it will all be over.
And so, you let go.
And so, she let go.
My mom, the bravest person I ever knew, the strongest person I’d ever met - let go.
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day (#WSPD). In observance of this day, I stumbled in finding the right words that could help someone, anyone reading this in search of hope.
As my heart poured out these words about my Mom, I received an impeccably and powerfully timed message from someone I’d never met. Someone in search of hope.
Someone struggling in darkness. Tired of fighting. Clinging onto a rapidly fraying rope. Ready to let go.
It is no coincidence that on any other night, I would have been asleep. In fact, I had already laid down to go to bed. Yet for some reason - a reason I didn’t really think about at that point - I had gotten out of bed and began writing.
As the words “let go” made their way from my fingertips - I received a cry for help.
I feel strongly that this interaction was God-breathed. And if any of this can help another person struggling with darkness, then I feel inclined to share some of my words of hope, comfort, love, and encouragement that poured out in response to a stranger's pain.
I only wish I could have spoken these words to my Mom in her heartache. So, in the hope that this might reach another weary soul in need, I pray you find some peace and encouragement here...
I’m so sorry you have to walk through this pain, and that you feel as though you are walking it alone. But, I promise that you are not! I know it can feel that way. I know so many people have good intentions. They mean well, but simply can’t understand the pain of what you’re experiencing and so they often say the wrong things. That’s the difficult part of grief, no one really gets it because it’s so deeply personal. I also understand being angry at God. And that’s ok because He can take it! And He is ok with it. He understands it. And He loves you through it. You don’t have to be strong, because He is strong enough to carry you. Know that in your darkest hours, He is near. I know that you may be in a place right now where these words are just words. But God has got you and He won’t leave you, not now not ever. Keep fighting the good fight! I can tell that you are tired but I can also tell that you are a fighter. And when you are too tired to fight, God will fight for you. I pray you find some hope & comfort tonight and the days ahead. I know we have never met, but I am here for you. I will walk beside you if you need someone who gets it. There is no timeline for grief. No “fix it” for this kind of sorrow. But I can be that someone to talk to if you need it. I see you. I am you. You are not alone.
-Liz Shemwell